"The Vital Importance of Church for Young Families: Here's Why"
By Jeff Shcoch
In recent years, there has been a noticeable decline in young families' involvement in local churches, a trend that has been further exacerbated by the Covid pandemic. Even prior to the pandemic, young families were becoming increasingly distant from congregations, as observed by Joiner et al. The common assumption was that the "cult of youth sports" was to blame, with activities like soccer, basketball, and gymnastics frequently scheduled on Sundays. However, I believe that this allegiance to youth sports is merely a symptom of a larger issue. The problem lies in the perception that church involvement is not indispensable or inherently beneficial for families.
As a pastor in Silicon Valley, I am immersed in a culture that values hard work, creativity, optimization, and relentless pursuit of success. With four school-age kids of my own and involvement in coaching junior and senior high sports, I witness parents pushing their children to excel in various areas. These parents go to great lengths to provide every advantage for their children, whether it's through sports, tutoring, music lessons, or other activities. Their choices are driven by the perceived value and potential advantages that these activities offer in terms of physical health, social confidence, and future competitiveness.
Much has been written about the prevailing movement to optimize children's lives for future professional and economic success, often referred to as "concerted cultivation". (1) Parents today meticulously curate every aspect of their children's lives, leading to the rise of so-called "helicopter parents," "tiger mothers," and even "wolf fathers." The fact that these parents are increasingly less likely to attend church with their kids indicates that they do not see its value. In fact, church attendance may even be perceived as a disadvantage. If parents believed that church could provide the same benefits as youth sports, our sanctuaries would be overflowing with families.
“If parents believed that church could provide the same benefits as youth sports, our sanctuaries would be overflowing with families.”
Admittedly, the immediate benefits of attending church as a family may not be readily apparent. It requires effort to get everyone ready and in the car, church often competes with other Sunday activities. However, if children do not attend church during their formative years, they are significantly less likely to continue attending as adults, jeopardizing any hope of passing on a legacy of faith.
Churches should not see themselves in competition with youth sports or other activities that vie for parents' attention. However, there are mistakes that need correcting. One of the main aspirations parents have for their kids, especially in the wake of the Covid era, is mental health. Research shows that children struggled during lockdowns, and mental health issues continue to rise. (2) Kids are grappling with loneliness, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and the challenges of an online-driven life, including exposure to harmful content. What if there was a place where genuine relationships could be formed with people from diverse backgrounds? What if there was a community that could address loneliness and despair through authentic connection and the love and grace found in Christ?
Churches provide a rare opportunity for families to share a community experience in modern life. After turning 18, children typically spend only one year on average with their parents for the rest of their lives. Childhood and adolescence make up 99% of the time we have with our kids. If we hope to teach them about Jesus, instill morals and values, and build a strong relationship that withstands the challenges of life, church remains one of the few places where this can happen. We won't share their experiences on the soccer field or in the robotics club, nor will they share our experiences in the professional world. However, in church, we can participate in something together and have shared experiences with our kids.
Moreover, church offers a last bastion of genuine community. Our modern society is often divided along demographic lines, with limited interaction between young, middle-aged, and older generations, as well as across socioeconomic boundaries. Many churches are among the few remaining places where families can engage with older generations. If we genuinely want our kids to understand every season of life, church may be the last cultural space where this is likely to happen.
Instead of lamenting how young families prioritize extracurricular activities over church attendance, we need to first understand that their choices stem from a deep-seated desire to provide the best for their kids. We must also improve in helping parents grasp the value and necessity of a church community for their children.
Lareau, Annette (2003). Unequal Childhoods. Berkeley: University of California Press.
https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/01/24/parenting-in-america-today/